Born Only Once by Conrad Baars, M.D. is not just a “must read” for every Catholic therapist and therapy client, but for every Catholic. As Christians, we are called to love God and neighbor (Cf. Mt. 22:37-40). In this book, Dr. Baars explains: (1) what has gone wrong when we find ourselves unable to love from an emotionally mature stance, (2) what is first necessary in order to love our neighbors from the heart and with Christian maturity and (3) what can help us to increase our ability to love our neighbors with Christian warmth. Born Only Once is more of a booklet than a book and is short enough so that every Catholic can probably find the time to read the whole thing in spite of our often busy lives.
Christian View of the Human Person
One main thing that sets this book apart from secular self-help books is that it has a proper view of the human person. It is obvious from what Dr. Baars wrote in Born Only Once that he believes in what is referred to by moral theologians as the imago Dei. This Latin phrase means “image of God” and refers to the book of Genesis where it says that we were created in the image and likeness of God (Cf. Gen. 1:26-28). That God is the source of human dignity is at the foundation of all Catholic moral theology. This inherent dignity is why we are called to treat one another well. Dr. Baars’ showed his understanding of this concept in Chapter 7, when he wrote of how Christ “loved each person precisely as he was.” This way of loving like Jesus, of sensing the inherent dignity of each person as he or she is, is at the core of the Gospel and reflects the Christian view of the human person according to Sacred Scripture and Sacred Tradition. Dr. Baars also references twelve places in the Gospel that support this truth.
Enabling Is Not Love
Right now, you might be thinking that there is something missing from the message that Jesus loves us as we are. You may believe that He loves us too much to let us stay as we currently are. Indeed, it is true that we are called to more. One Biblical proof supporting this position is in 1 John 2:6: “He who says he abides in [Christ] ought to walk in the same way in which he walked.”
We have to be careful not to get caught in black-and-white thinking, posing the belief “we are loved as we are” against the belief “we are called to more.” We are loved as we are and, at the same time, called to more. In Born Only Once, Dr. Baars does an excellent job of equally honoring both of these truths.
While holding the position that we are lovable as we are, Baars, at the same time, stresses that it is contrary to love when we enable the bad behavior of others. A couple of examples of the latter can be found in Chapter 3: The Opposite of Affirmation, where he writes that false-love can be seen:
- “in permissiveness towards youth.”
- “in lowering moral standards and precepts with a mistaken notion that this will help people to become happier and more fulfilled, and prevent neurotic repressions and frustrations. […] The person who, for example, is encouraged to make love whenever he wants it, as soon as he wants it, and with whomever he wants it, will be denied the joy of being loved.”
As you can see in these quotes, Baars’ view of the human person includes the truth that we are called to more. Sounds like Christ, doesn’t it?
Consistent with Sacred Tradition
Born Only Once is in accordance with Sacred Tradition. In another article on this blog, I have previously explained how St. Thomas Aquinas holds a top place of honor in the Church among Her philosophers and theologians. Any work that is largely based on the writings of Aquinas, if it is done with honesty and integrity, is likely to be in accordance with Sacred Tradition. Born Only Once is one such work.
The psychological thought of St. Thomas is called “Thomistic psychology”. As with the philosophical and theological thought of Aquinas, Thomistic psychology is an essential and highly-respected part of Sacred Tradition. Conrad Baars generally based his writings on Thomistic psychology, but don’t just take my word for it. An entry on Conrad Baars in Volume I of the Encyclopedia of Catholic Social Thought, Social Science, and Social Policy by Coulter and others, says: “Baars sought to integrate Thomistic psychology with modern psychological discoveries….” Anytime we need to sift the wheat from the chaff in modern psychology, we need to start with a foundation of Sacred Tradition. Thankfully, Conrad Baars has already done the sifting for us in Born Only Once and many of his other books.
Not a Self-Help Book, but an Extremely Helpful Book
It is not accurate to call Born Only Once a self-help book. Embedded in the term self-help book is the idea that a book is going to teach you how to “do” something that will transform your life. In contrast, in Chapter 2 of Born Only Once, Baars writes:
Affirmation […] is not primarily a matter of doing something to another, but a state of being. This may be a discouraging remark if you expected this to be a “how-to-do-it” book, especially if you had bought this book in order to do something special for someone you care about. But do not lose courage, you need only to do less and to be more, for your own sake as well as that of others.
Baars’ position is that if you want to positively transform your life and the lives of others around you, then “being” must take primary importance over “doing”. If you don’t quite know what Baars means by “being”, you can rest assured that he does a good job defining it throughout the book. While Born Only Once is technically not a self-help book, it is an extremely helpful introductory guide for those wanting to find greater emotional wholeness and a better understanding of the emotional development process.
Emotional Problems Addressed
Baars’ dedication to the book, reveals which emotional problems are addressed in the book. The dedication is too long to include here, but here is a partial list of those to whom the book is dedicated. He dedicates the book to each person who feels:
- insignificant and worthless, like a child at the mercy of grown-ups
- afraid to assert himself
- afraid of the world
- depressed
- wishes he were dead
- contemplates suicide or has attempted suicide
- always tired
- aches and pains or psychosomatic illness that doesn’t respond well to treatment
Even if you don’t have any of these problems, this book is still helpful, because we all know someone with these problems. The book does a good job describing what people with these problems need from those of us who may generally feel more calm and confident.
Summary of the Book
I have written a summary of the book in another article on this blog. The summary is structured such that it lists each section of the book and summarizes the contents of that section. I did not include it in this article, because the purpose here is to offer a Catholic review of the book, not to merely describe the contents.
What’s New in the Third Edition
What’s new in this edition is primarily that the outdated term “neurosis” was updated to the modern term “disorder” to match the language of the current revisions of psychological and psychiatric diagnostic manuals.
Conclusion
In summary, there is nothing in the book that is contrary to Sacred Doctrine and Sacred Tradition. The book offers insight into why some people have trouble loving others from the heart and how they can ultimately improve in this area. Dr. Conrad Baars is a credible Catholic writer on psychological matters, having relied largely on the teachings of St. Thomas Aquinas and Sacred Scripture to understand the human person. Reading the book should not only benefit therapists and their clients, but every Catholic.
Why the Book is Relevant to This Blog
I explain why this book is relevant to this blog at the end of the article provided in this link.
Your Blog, Not Mine
I’d like to remind you that this blog is for you. I invite you to tell me what your biggest problems are so that I can address them in future articles. Did this article reassure you that the book is consistent with Church teachings? If so, why? If not, why not? Have you read the book? If so, what did you think of it? If not, do you plan on reading it? Please let me know your thoughts in the comments below or on the Healing and Peace Facebook page.
Product Details
- Paperback: 82 pages
- Publisher: Wipf and Stock; 3 edition (March 30, 2016)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 1498288154
- ISBN-13: 978-1498288156
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